Scrapbooking...

Tomorrow's my birthday, and to help me celebrate I'm taking a class this evening at a local scrapbook store (Scrapbook Attack in Beaverton). I'm going to be making a perpetual calendar that looks something like this:

I'm excited and intrigued and I'm looking forward to meeting new people. It's interesting to me how the "art" world and the "craft" world intersect in my life. I've always been prey to the notion that scrapbooking and crafting don't really count as art, or that they're somehow less legitimate. I sometimes find myself apologizing for my crafty side or reminding people that I'm not a real artist.

But tonight's my night to let that go, so here's my declaration: I am a person who loves to make beautiful things! Sometimes they are unique and self-invented. Sometimes they follow patterns or are taught by others. Sometimes they use the tools of the artistic trade, sometimes they use the tools of the crafting trade, and sometimes they combine the two styles into one. But they are all beautiful and I'm proud of them all!

So if you ever want a handmade perpetual calendar, now you know who to ask... look forward to lots of new variations on the theme! :)

Hello... Love... Are You Out There???

What happened to the days when people married their high school sweethearts?

What happened to the days when people stayed together for decades without wondering if they were missing out on something better or playing the field to size up the competition?

What happened to the days when people couldn't wait to get married because of all the things they weren't allowing themselves to do until AFTER that sacred ceremony (ahem... I think you know what I'm talking about here...)?

Don't get me wrong... I know those days haven't disappeared completely. And I also know that I've phrased these questions to present a highly romanticized version of old-fashioned love.

But I'm starting to feel like there's an epidemic of independence among my generation. We were so eager to do things differently than our parents that we walked away from some traditions that weren't so bad to start with.

So now I find myself in a bit of a predicament at age 30. I'm single... and at times I'm lonely.

I'm not lonely in a day-to-day, sitting-alone-in-my-room-being-depressed kind of way. I have lots of amazing friends and a fairly active social life. I attend events that interest me and I've got plenty of people to call when I need to chat.

But I'm lonely in a deep, abiding, who-will-I-share-the-rest-of-my-life-with kind of way.

I want someone that loves me just the way I am... someone that I can love completely, too. I want the security of knowing I don't have to be playing mind games and staying one step ahead of my partner. I want someone to share my secrets with. And I want to be a mother, with an amazing father by my side.

I'm not the only thirty-something person I know in this situation... in fact more of my friends are single than married. And while the single life has plenty of benefits, many of us are beginning to feel an urge to settle down.

But where do you go when you're ready to settle down? Where do you find true love?

I never realized how easy it was to date in high school and college until I started to seriously consider the idea of dating as an adult a few years back.

Back then, we were surrounded by people in our age group who shared lots of things in common... if nothing else, we were in the same classes so we always had something to talk about. And our "world" was small enough back then that it wasn't too difficult to figure out who was single and who was already in a relationship.

Now we have.... Internet dating... and speed dating... and bars... and Craigslist... yeeecccchh.

Don't worry, I haven't given up on love. But I am asking for help:

1. Do you know any fantastic (and single) guys who are equally frustrated with the challenges of meeting great women who are looking for committed relationships? Send 'em to this blog or give 'em my phone number...

2. Do you know of other ways to meet people... ways that actually allow you to get to know one another and share common interests, rather than just getting drunk and trying to look cool? Share 'em in the comments section or give me a call and let me know...

3. Do you have any other words of inspiration or advice? Lemme know, please...

Until then, I'll leave you with this quote from Leo Buscaglia:

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

Make New Friends, But Keep the Old...

This weekend I had dinner with two friends that I haven't seen in eighteen years!

My father was in the Air Force, so we moved quite a bit when I was young. Of all the moves, the toughest one for me was leaving Alexandria, Louisiana in 1990, the summer between 7th and 8th grades.

You see, for the first time in my life I had real friends. Not the kind of friends that liked the same My Little Pony toys as me or showed up to play dates arranged by my mom, but real friends. I had a group of friends that I loved hanging out with... friends I had chosen for myself... friends I could tell secrets to. And we were finally old enough to walk to each other's houses after school or stay up late at slumber parties.

And then I moved... boy did it suck leaving all that behind to be the "new girl" in eighth grade.

My Louisiana friends and I promised to keep in touch, but that's a tough promise for a twelve-year-old to keep, so it wasn't long before we lost contact altogether... until Facebook intervened and we reconnected a few months ago.

And it turns out one of them lives in Portland, and another is seriously considering moving to Portland sometime soon.

So Becky and Linda and I met up for dinner downtown this weekend and it was a blast!

Of course we were nervous that we wouldn't have anything in common. A lot changes between seventh grade and adulthood, and we had no way of knowing in what direction each of our lives had gone during the past eighteen years.

But after a few hours of laughing, reminiscing, and catching up on each other's lives, here's what we decided: some things never change, and the things that make you choose your friends when you're twelve are the SAME things you look for in a friend when you're thirty.

It just reaffirms my belief that we start out as wise as we'll ever get, and that children really do have all the answers.

Growing Up Before My Very Own Eyes...

We all grow up. We wake up one day and realize the world looks different from how it looked just weeks or months or years before. And if we're particularly astute, we notice that the world hasn't really changed that much. We've changed.

We're usually not aware of the growing up while it's happening.

But every now and then we find ourselves in a magical moment - a moment when everything slows down just a bit and we realize our worldview is shifting right before our eyes... that things will never be the same again... that in some way, our life from here on out will be defined as "before this" and "after this."

For me, that moment came in an underground nightclub in Paris, France when I was seventeen years old. Giddy from champagne and floating across the dance floor in the arms of the most gorgeous French man I'd ever seen, I grew up.

It's hard to say exactly what changed. I guess it dawned on me that I exist... that I really, really exist. I have free will. I am a separate entity from everyone else on the planet. I have my own life, and I can do whatever I want to do with it.

Until that point on the dance floor, the boundaries in my life were all created by other people. But in that moment I realized I can cross those boundaries.

It's funny... I didn't really cross any boundaries that night. I didn't even kiss that gorgeous French man. But I knew I could, and that made all the difference.

It was Annie Lennox playing in the background. I can still hear the opening bars to "No More I Love You's." Shoooo be doo be doo doo doo... aaaah-ahhh. To this day, every time I hear that song I remember. And every time I hear it, I wonder when the next magical moment will come for me.

How about you? When was your last magical moment?

Packing... and children... and selling out... and freedom

I've been packing my things all day. My new job at Nike has inspired me to make the big move across town to Beaverton. That's right... Beaverton. The "not-Portland" of Portland, Oregon. That little voice in my head (you know, the one that used to run my life before I got wise to it's presence) keeps whispering "You've done it Amy... you've sold your soul." After all, I'm working for a HUGE corporation and moving to Beaverton.

But here's the interesting thing: I'm really excited about the changes that are happening in my life right now.

Until this year, life always looked like a series of choices between two extremes: black or white, chocolate or vanilla, marriage or freedom, sell-out corporate job or lifetime of poverty.

Then I grew up... somehow, when I wasn't really paying attention, I grew up. And now I look at things a little differently.

You see, I used to think those choices defined who I was, so each choice was a really, really big deal.

But in the past year or so, I've found this "me" person inside... and she's there all the time... through all the choices... wherever I go. Defining her isn't so simple anymore. She exists all on her own, fully formed.

Some of the choices I make fit her like a well-worn sweater pulled out of the closet on cold winter mornings, while others are a bit scratchy and tight through the shoulders. But she's still there, intact, the whole time.

Now I have the freedom to "try on" lots of different choices and see how they feel. I don't have to worry about losing myself in the transitions... I couldn't do it if I tried... I'm in there, through thick and thin. And I don't feel any pressure to define myself "correctly." I realize now that was always for other people's benefit, anyway... and it doesn't seem too important these days.

So I spent the day packing... and the whole time I listened to the kids laughing and playing outside my apartment window. And it made me smile. Those kids, they're onto something...