Saturday, August 9, 2008

Packing... and children... and selling out... and freedom

I've been packing my things all day. My new job at Nike has inspired me to make the big move across town to Beaverton. That's right... Beaverton. The "not-Portland" of Portland, Oregon. That little voice in my head (you know, the one that used to run my life before I got wise to it's presence) keeps whispering "You've done it Amy... you've sold your soul." After all, I'm working for a HUGE corporation and moving to Beaverton.

But here's the interesting thing: I'm really excited about the changes that are happening in my life right now.

Until this year, life always looked like a series of choices between two extremes: black or white, chocolate or vanilla, marriage or freedom, sell-out corporate job or lifetime of poverty.

Then I grew up... somehow, when I wasn't really paying attention, I grew up. And now I look at things a little differently.

You see, I used to think those choices defined who I was, so each choice was a really, really big deal.

But in the past year or so, I've found this "me" person inside... and she's there all the time... through all the choices... wherever I go. Defining her isn't so simple anymore. She exists all on her own, fully formed.

Some of the choices I make fit her like a well-worn sweater pulled out of the closet on cold winter mornings, while others are a bit scratchy and tight through the shoulders. But she's still there, intact, the whole time.

Now I have the freedom to "try on" lots of different choices and see how they feel. I don't have to worry about losing myself in the transitions... I couldn't do it if I tried... I'm in there, through thick and thin. And I don't feel any pressure to define myself "correctly." I realize now that was always for other people's benefit, anyway... and it doesn't seem too important these days.

So I spent the day packing... and the whole time I listened to the kids laughing and playing outside my apartment window. And it made me smile. Those kids, they're onto something...

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