I've been packing my things all day. My new job at Nike has inspired me to make the big move across town to Beaverton. That's right... Beaverton. The "not-Portland" of Portland, Oregon. That little voice in my head (you know, the one that used to run my life before I got wise to it's presence) keeps whispering "You've done it Amy... you've sold your soul." After all, I'm working for a HUGE corporation and moving to Beaverton.
But here's the interesting thing: I'm really excited about the changes that are happening in my life right now.
Until this year, life always looked like a series of choices between two extremes: black or white, chocolate or vanilla, marriage or freedom, sell-out corporate job or lifetime of poverty.
Then I grew up... somehow, when I wasn't really paying attention, I grew up. And now I look at things a little differently.
You see, I used to think those choices defined who I was, so each choice was a really, really big deal.
But in the past year or so, I've found this "me" person inside... and she's there all the time... through all the choices... wherever I go. Defining her isn't so simple anymore. She exists all on her own, fully formed.
Some of the choices I make fit her like a well-worn sweater pulled out of the closet on cold winter mornings, while others are a bit scratchy and tight through the shoulders. But she's still there, intact, the whole time.
Now I have the freedom to "try on" lots of different choices and see how they feel. I don't have to worry about losing myself in the transitions... I couldn't do it if I tried... I'm in there, through thick and thin. And I don't feel any pressure to define myself "correctly." I realize now that was always for other people's benefit, anyway... and it doesn't seem too important these days.
So I spent the day packing... and the whole time I listened to the kids laughing and playing outside my apartment window. And it made me smile. Those kids, they're onto something...